


I'll Carry You Home Tonight

by Smokeringsanddeadkings



Series: Scooby-doo Mystery Incorporated [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/F, Fred Andrews Defense Squad, Im just a struggling writer with great ideas and mediocre skills, M/M, Overuse of the word delinquent, Please excuse my trash writing, Pop's cures all, Roasting Penelope Blossom, Squad reunion, They were the original core four, This Is STUPID, Underage Drinking, basically crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokeringsanddeadkings/pseuds/Smokeringsanddeadkings
Summary: Fred, FP, Hermione, and Alice have a surprise, unplanned reunion while wrangling their wily teenagers....





	I'll Carry You Home Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Fred, Hermione, Alice, and FP all get called to come pick up their children, not knowing the other three are coming.
> 
> I have this head canon that Fred, Alice, FP, and Hermione were the original Core Four and things went sour between them after high school,so please indulge me.

Hermione thanks Smithers and steps out of the car. She takes in the building before her, The Roving Eye. God, she hadn't been here in ages, not since she was seventeen at least.

 

“Well, I shouldn't be surprised to see you here,” a voice to her right says. Hermione turns and is greeted with the sight of Alice Cooper, looking as disdainful as ever.

 

“It's a pleasure as always, Alice,” Hermione smiles, faker than the fur draped over her shoulders. “What brings you here?”

 

“Don't act as if you don't know we both got called here because your delinquent daughter is corrupting Elizabeth,” Alice scoffs.

 

“Did someone say delinquent?” FP smirks,strolling up to the two women.

 

“You’re a little old to be a delinquent,aren't you?” Fred asks tiredly, a short distance behind FP.

 

“What are you two doing here?” Alice demands, actually stamping her foot. Hermione snorts at the action, earning herself a glare.

 

“In case you seem to have forgotten, Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Jughead are all friends and most likely went out together as a group,” Fred reasons.

 

“Ugh, just what I need, more delinquents corrupting my daughter.”

 

“Watch what you're saying about my kid!” FP growls. “Everyone in this town knows Jughead is a good kid. His idea of a wild night is a couple of Tarantino movies. Unlike your daughter, who I heard tried to boil that Clayton kid alive.”

 

Hermione smiles as Alice is at a loss for words. “Elizabeth is easily peer pressured! She was under the influence of that Lodge girl at the time!” The blond insists, jabbing a finger at Hermione.

 

Hermione merely shrugs and makes eye contact with Fred. “We're not gonna bullshit ourselves, are we Fred?”

 

Fred nods and sighs, “I have this internal detector for when Archie does something dumb. It started pinging about twenty minutes ago.”

 

“I have never deluded myself with the notion that Veronica is a perfect textbook child,” Hermione says, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “Plus, the credit card company just alerted me she made a purchase over three hundred dollars.” Fred, FP, and Alice all wince sympathetically.

 

“God, the only thing that would make this night worse was if one of the Blossoms showed up,” Alice groans.

 

“Well, well, well. Would you look at this, Fred, Shaggy, Velma, and Daphne all reunited,” Penelope calls out from behind the group. They all turn in horror to look at the older redhead.

 

“Speak the devil's name and he shall appear. Thanks for fucking jinxing us, Al,” FP mutters.

 

“Hey now, there's no need for name calling and nastiness,” Fred says gently.

 

Penelope sneers at the man as if he were a roach beneath her Louboutin. “You always were too sensitive Fred. Maybe that's why Mary left you.”

 

FP puffs up with anger, but Alice places a hand on his chest. She's got this.  
“If we're Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, and Velma, does that make you Scooby?” She asks with mock curiosity. “It's fitting seeing as you're the biggest bitch I know.”

 

Penelope opens her mouth, but Hermione beats her to it. “Since we're reminiscing about the past, I remember a certain someone being called 'Smelly Nelly’ because she got gonorrhea Sophomore year, so you have no right to talk about someone else's relationship.”

 

Penelope flushes and glares at the two women before stomping off. Alice turns to Hermione with a small smile. “Glad to see that you still have that mean streak in you.”

“I never lost it,” Hermione replies, with a smile of her own.

 

“Remind me never to piss either of you off,” Fred whistles. FP nods fervently.

 

“Come on, let's go retrieve our delinquents,” Alice commands, taking off towards the building.

 

“The great, infallible Alice Cooper just admit that one of her kids might be less than perfect?” FP asks, one eyebrow cocked in surprise.

 

“Shut it, Forsythe Pendleton Jones!”

 

“That's Forsythe Pendleton Jones II to you!” He corrects, following after the blond.

 

Fred follows after the two in defeat, Hermione not far behind. “I don't know why I thought I missed those two’s nonsense,” he mutters under his breath.

 

The four of them stop before the door, as if mentally preparing for what they were about to witness. After a beat of silence, Alice throws open the doors. The top twenty blasting through huge speakers, flashing lights, bodies writhing desperately against each other, and the smell of teenage desperation greet them.

 

Hermione's gaze sweeps the club, looking for a certain dark head. She freezes when she finds that and a few other familiar ones. “Oh my goodness!”  
The other three follow her gaze and chaos erupts.

 

“Archibald Andrews get off of JUghead!”

 

“ELIZABETH ROSE COOPER DROP THAT SHOT GLASS THIS INSTANT!"

 

“Veronica, do NOT- WHat are You-NO!”

 

“JUGhEaD WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?!”

 

“ARCHIBALD ANDREWS YOU HAVE TWo SECONDS TO REMOVE YOUR HANDS FROM MY SON’S PANTS!!!”  
____________________________________________________________________

 

The next morning, the four parents find themselves seated together in a booth at Pop's, all of them traumatized from the prior night's events.

 

“So, last night my daughter informed me that she was dating Veronica Lodge and told me to 'fuck off if I didn't like it’,” Alice says, stirring her tea. “Then, she curled up next to me and fell asleep.”

 

“The only thing Veronica said was that the club owner got 'salty’ because when Jughead started stripping, everyone was throwing money at him instead of buying drinks,” Hermione says, pursing her lips

 

FP sighs, “That explains where he got five hundred dollars from. Usually, Juggie rarely speaks and that's fine, but I guess liquor loosens his lips because he literally would not stop talking. I did not need to know my son becomes exceedingly sexual when he's drunk nor did I need a blow by blow of what he did with Archie Andrews.”

 

Fred chuckles darkly, “Archie yelled at me last night for being a 'cock block’ and a range of other things I dare not repeat at the risk of furthering scarring any of you. Then he started crying and threw up all over the kitchen floor. Cleaning up throw up at one in the morning is not fun.”

 

“So FP, how was it being the disciplinarian instead of a wild adolescent?” Alice asks with a smirk.

 

“I swear I felt my dad's smug satisfaction because I was having flashbacks from when I was kid when my old man use to yell at me,” FP shudders. “I feel as though this is karmic retribution for how much of a punk I was back in the day.”

 

Hermione nods, “I understand. Veronica did my signature hair flip/eye roll combo and I nearly busted a blood vessel.”

 

“I hope we weren't as bad as they were,” Fred says, massaging his temples.

 

“No, we were worse,” Alice declares, “and I have a feeling this is just the beginning.”

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this trash, I wrote this after a strange dream.


End file.
